I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
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Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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