hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What drink are we having for lunch?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
