Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
