I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
