I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
