Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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