I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
