What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
