Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
