Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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