How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
