Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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