I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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