Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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