What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
