Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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