You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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