i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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