Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
