She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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