Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
