we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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