a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
