yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
