im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
