The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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