My liver just broke up with me...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
