don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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