it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
