he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
