I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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