Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
