You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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