Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
