the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
