He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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