Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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