yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
