my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
