its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
