i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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