there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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