the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
