Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
