Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
