If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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