Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
