Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
