just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize