i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
