I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
