Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
