She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
