All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
