Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
