summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
