Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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