Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
