I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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