i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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