Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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