I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
God, you're like boner-b-gone
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
