We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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