when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we made out on top of his cat.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
