I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
