I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
two words...techno handjob
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
